Breathing the Green Girl
I am a cactus girl
of spikes and spines and
wooden needle spokes.
(venus rising—odysseus waning)
como agua para agave.
Saguaro with pot-smack holes,
a nest for the eagle and snake,
an umbrage from the fever. My
arms bent at odd angles towards
the sun. A pauper-penelope:
la reina del obscuro; full of
well-words and balloon-water.
el agua. el agua verde.
(I would breathe water rather
in this full-fathom five.)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
The first three lines are perfect. But then I'm not feeling it until "My arms..", which, that and after is great as well. I think it's the 'Saguaro', but I suppose it works. It's not like it is terrible or anything, I just personally don't like it. But all in all, well done.